season 4: i’ve only known you for a hot second, but i’m going to turn my back against everything i’ve ever known and do you a real solid just because you make me feel weird stuff. Could be indigestion, idk. “I was getting too close to the humans in my charge - you.”
season 5: i’ve legit sacrificed everything for you, bro, including murdering my own species just to help you out, and yet you’re still tryin’ to test me? From stripclubs to Satan’s bullshit -That’s fucked up. “I’ve given everything for you, and this is what you give to me?”
season 6: i’ll pretty much do anything if it means this one singular human doesn’t have to have a bad day for the rest of his life, up to and including working with a bunch of dipshits behind said human’s back because that objective is more important than settling the apocalypse the right way. “It seems so simple when you put it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?” “I always come when you call. Would anyone but your closest kin do more for you?”
season 7: turns out when you make shitty decisions for the sake of sparing one dude’s feelings it comes back to bite you in the ass. and then you die. and then you come back to life. and then that same guy finds you of all people and gives you really sad pathetic puppy eyes when he sees you with someone else. and SOMETIMES you go CRAZY. “I remember you. I remember everything.” insert weird clip of everything revolving around that one guy. alternatively, “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas.” wow. what a dick.
season 8: back on my bullshit. would do anything to protect that dumb guy with the car if it means he has even a fighting chance at survival. fuck my own life tho lol. error 404: castiel is broken, must reboot. kill 1,000 dean replicas and still not be able to kill the real deal. (also never TELL him about this for reasons) “You’re family. We need you. - I - need you.”
season 9: literally a useless human now and after everything guy kicks me out. what an asshole. really shows who your real friends are. But like holy shit, has he always been this cute? lol somehow only my grace is needed for a spell about loving humanity? weird. it’s not like that guy represents humanity on this show or anything. “You drape yourself in the flag of heaven, but it was all for saving one man.” / “He’s in love… with humanity.”
season 10: wtf is even happening. this guy i probably love has turned into a psychotic serial killer and instead of ditching his ass i’ve decided that watching him MURDER THE WORLD is a more romantic approach to the problem at hand. But it’s ok because we mirror that other couple where the wife had to do the same thing. weird. very bro like. This couldn’t have any consequences – proceeds to get fucking pummeled. “All she asked of me was one thing. –To stop.”
season 11: taking a mental vacation. gets possessed just to let the devil figure out this mess he’s made. like that one meme. can’t deal with that other guy liking somebody else either. lots of sad eyes. Hypothetical: guy asks you on a drive before he dies for the 118th time says “You’re like a brother to me.” And well, that’s just the last thing you want to hear from the guy you’re in love with.
season 12: wow boy i just keep fucking UP. i almost DIED. finally admitted to the human that i loved him, but i couldn’t look him in the eye, and then things got really tense, so i wanted to make sure the room knew i was in love with them too. didn’t die tho, got even more tense. then the guy up and makes me a mixtape? whatever that means. idk tho i ran away because i was just SO embarrassed. And for some reason he left me 27 voicemails and cried and shit so i came back, but he was REAL mad so i thought maybe we’re broken up now and tried to give back the tape. “It’s a gift, you keep those.” AND THEN I DIED FOR REAL.
season 13: This fucking douchebag tries to taunt me for my undying love despite the fact dean thinks we’re bros. “I know what you fear, I know who you love. There’s nothing for you back there.” meanwhile dean tries to fucking kill himself cuz he’s sad about me dying. only best bros do that. like BEST bros. And then voila, i’m alive again. couldn’t be because dean’s gay love was so strong it pierced through the veil of death and saved the day. nope not at all. “We got Cas back, I’d say that’s a pretty big win.”
season 14: dean wants to murder our son and he has no respect for my feelings. i want a divorce.
season 15, probably: let’s just fuck.
